Today my family arrives from MN. I have vacation from work until next Monday. I am focused on spending relaxing and nurturing time with my Mom. Yes...i am ANXIOUS....so what's new.
There is sooo much family stuff in my past that altered my path in life. there are so many triggers but this visit I am ready to overcome those triggers. I also feel as though my Mother has become aware of those triggers and feels some remorse. I am really hoping to feel some healing with this visit.
Well...I better get busy with my day. Happy friday to you all and a great weekend.

Yesterday there was no time to think about anything but work and rushing home to pick up the kids and take them to their various activities. I was exhausted last night. I did well on my eating and am getting excited and challenged to reach my first big goal of weighing under 200. A co-worker is at 230 and we are helping each other and will celebrate when we are both under 200. I can't wait to feel comfortable again. My ultimate goal is to weigh 155. I was 130 and 135 at my pre-pregnancy weight so I am being realistic in my goal.
My 83 year old mother and my brother and his wife are flying in tomorrow from MN to visit for a week. I haven't seen them in 3 years. I am excited and of course being me...ANXIOUS!!! Anxiety for me is wanting to eat anything and everything. We will be staying at a house by the beach. I am working on removing that anxiety and just relaxing into the vision of spending quality time. GAWD.....I am a mess....my poor kids....if they only new all the insecurities in their mother.
AFter today I have a week off from work!!
I am handing my day over and that includes my anxiety and fears. Dear God, fill me with your healing and loving spirit. Hold my hand and remove my fears so I can feel your love and the beautiful day and blessings you have given me in my life. I hand my life over to you Dear Lord....show me your way.
Happy Thursday:)

I realized yesterday that a depression is looming over me and threatening to take over. I am NOT going to let it conquer me. Fear seems to be the biggest emotion and that is why I am stuck here in limbo. If I don't move in any direction I have nothing to fear. Yet, this limbo is causing an anxiety that is becoming unbearable. UGH....OK......this little insight is good and something to ponder. A little seed has been planted and instead of jumping in head first I am going to nurture that little seed with some love and understanding.

I weighed myself this AM and am back down to 222. I feel I have a handle on my diet. That is a good feeling.

Time to take the boy to school and get to work. OH!!! It is St. Patrick's day today:) I am Scandinavian from head to toe but cannot ignore the leprichan magic of today:)

ONCE AGAIN......IT IS A NEW DAY

I followed my food plan .....fairly well ...yesterday. I did eat a bowl of honey nut cheerios at 7PM....not just a little bowl:} Today I am off work and need to get a bunch of stuff done. That seems to be my biggest challenge these days. I find myself getting so overwhelmed then filled with anxiety and shut down. I am afraid to set any goals regarding walking or projects ......I used to be the queen of projects.....what the heck happened? Is there anybody else out there going through this phase in life?
Well.....it is a gorgeous day outside!!!! I will let you know what I do with it tomorrow. Wishing you all a feel good day and let's all be good to ourselves:)

Wellllll....I didn't make it into the garden yesterday.....I took a NAP:}
I weighed in this AM at 225. I am still at a 6LB loss. I am back on track with my eating for the week and motivated to stay with my routine. I am really having a tough time getting motivated with exercise. Not sure what is going on with that!! Thanks for all of your comments!! I really appreciate the support.

I made two friends on my blog!!! I am so excited:) Today my focus is to get out in the gardens and feel the rewards of the outdoors and physical work. This will be a huge milestone for me and will lift me up. I experience such horrible fatigue that snowballs into emotional upset. I have become a couch blob and that IS NOT WHO I AM!!!
Wish me luck!!

I have found some great blogs that I can relate to. I am really hoping to connect with women that I can let every lb I am burdened with hang out with no fear!! It is time to let go of these lbs that weigh me down in life and start to live my passions fully. I can see from all of the female bloggers that I am not alone in my quest. I am not sure how to make my post visible ....I will continue to find blogs to follow in hopes to create the connections that will support our journey.